Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
