then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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