and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
