normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
