You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize