Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
