i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
