I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
