conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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