whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He? As in you personified your dick?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
