I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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