Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I did not marry a roomba.
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