just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
