i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
