If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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