that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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