Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
