and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
