so that wasnt chicken after all
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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