now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
