half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize