Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
