sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
