theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
