so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
