Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
