You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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