There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
