shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
