Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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