Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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