Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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