There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
