Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
