3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
