Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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