I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
