I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
