I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
