My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
it glows. i had to have it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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