Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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