I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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