I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
