Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
