Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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