You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
