My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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