Don't you send me to vm
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
