"it" just moved
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
