If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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