i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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