There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
