im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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