I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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