it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
