I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize