Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
