Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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