Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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