I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
