when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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