I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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