I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
