cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
