He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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