I must be too annoying 4 u.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Life is so much better after having sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize