Just took my morning after pill in the library
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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