pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize