She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
