I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
