The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
