I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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