The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
