You really coming over, don't trick.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
