someone threw a dead crab at me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
