You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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