dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize