I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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