got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
