Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Randomize
