$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my shit smells like andre
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
