Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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