My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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