his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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