just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
