i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
