walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
