i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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