Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
