I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
