I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
