So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
