dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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