Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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