and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
