i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize