Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
