thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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