I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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