Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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