you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize