It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
