My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
