sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
