You're my little dorito
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
